Are you still you?

I was speaking to a security professional the other day, someone I had worked with in the past, and he was asking me for advice on a career move. I never take these conversations lightly and pray I can offer something of value.

As I listened to this young man’s predicament, it became clear that he was trying to decide on staying where he was or returning to an agency he had previously left. He listed all the problems with his current situation and all the perceived advantages of returning to his old organization. When he stopped talking, he asked me what I thought.

I said, “Are you still you?”

He froze. He stopped talking and started to really think - the one thing that I sincerely wanted for him. I wanted to know if he was the same person who I once knew. He said he was. I told him a new job will not bring peace or fulfillment or whatever he envisions as “happiness.”

Because I knew in that moment that he had not done the hard work, yet. He had not taken the brave step into true self-evaluation. The difficult, painful, and often ugly step into understanding the question: Who the hell am I?

Without that knowledge, his move to another agency, or staying with the current one, will not bring him joy. Because the old agency has not changed. The same people and the same problems are still there. I told him, if he did return, when the newness fades, he will begin to complain and become disillusioned. He will see injustice and begin to look again. Why? Because he is looking for and desperately wanting the approval of others. This does not satisfy. 

I suggested he perform a self-evaluation. Though difficult, I asked him to go through the process – the forging. The forging process delivers a very strong product, but first, the material must survive the intense pressure and heat. It is difficult for the substance as it is pounded into shape, but it must be endured.

The finished product is someone who knows who they really are and why they do what they do. It produces strength, the kind of strength that allows the person to look in the mirror and say: “I know you, I know what you have been through, I know what you can handle, and I do not need the approval of others.”